One funny story

I thought I was having the time of my life these days, I thought I finally get everything covered. I mean I'm finally done with law school, I managed to secure a place for Chambering before I even end my school, I found a bunch of friends who are so supportive and encouraging I couldn't ask for more, I finally accept the fact that my family might be different (due to the separation) but we are happy in our own way and I found a guy who makes me feel like home. Everything turned out pretty well and I was happy.

I was happy. Yup, I was happy until last night. 

Last night was crazy and emotional for me (but I didn't cry trust me)

Last night, I asked him about us because it feels like we're getting distant and I am being ignored. At the same time, these past few days I feel like the only person making efforts to ensure this ship sailing well. My main intention when I asked about it was because I need assertion. I don't want to be this crazy girl who waits for a guy but in the end, the guy left her with nothing. And out of nowhere and suddenly he replied by saying "I can't be with you. I am truly sorry". 

Wow, it was that easy. It took one single sentence to end everything, I'm impressed. He didn't even state his reasons. He kept saying 'thats why I told you earlier , before this that I can only touch but not hold this relationship'.Okay I get it but the thing is you won't even try and you gave up so early. Can't you wait kejap? Stupid me, he just won't wait for you girl. He just won't. Now I wonder, it was all a lie, was it? Every single thing you said was plain bullshit.

When he was so certain with his statement, I found my answer. He's not for me. I can't stay with a guy who won't fight for me, who believe that ending things is the best solution for everything.

I'm not the type of person who give up on someone. I cherish every single person who's in my life. If there's something wrong, or you did something you shouldn't be doing, I will get mad. I will get upset but I just need a minute to cool down. I don't leave people, I'll try to hold everything together. And I think that's why it hurts so bad when people leave me.

It's okay it's okay. I won't beg for love, I won't beg for people to stay. I am at this point of my life where I stop giving a damn about everything. I believe if something is bound to happen, it will happen regardless of how we try to stop them. If people wanted to walk away from my life they can do that whenever they feel like so. I no longer going to waste my time worrying about all those stuffs because genuine people will stay, true love will stay. If people really 'ikhlas' to be your friend or to be in your life, they will do all they can to show that they matter, to make their presence significant. 

Last night felt like a dream. I even dreamed about it last night, woke up this morning hoping that it was a bad dream. I even checked my phone in case he put his sorry in a better way rather than one simple stupid sentence. Of course, none. Dare to dream, girl. Get a grip please.

However, surprisingly I was expecting myself to be extremely sad or break down which I didn't. Both of us talked about this over the phone and I was calm. I was okay. Maybe I  see this coming or maybe I don't want to bother about this anymore. I deserve better.This is just a waste of time and effort. 

The thing about love is they always seems uncertain, always feel like hanging. One day you tell another that you like her but another day you tell the opposite. I don't know why but I always consider myself unlucky when it comes to love. Either I had never 'love' enough or there is just no enough love for me out there. That probably explains why every time I see couples  holding hands, or sitting together, I look away. Its not that I hate seeing lovers but I have this one question nobody can answer yet; Where's mine? 

Don't get me wrong. My life is still as beautiful as it can be. Just because one random dude who decides to back off won't change much. I still have my beloved family and my priceless friends by my side, I'm at ease. I'm not worried. Surely when Allah takes something away from you. He gives you something greater in its place :)

Me today, I'm perfectly fine. I'm okay. 

The End of Law School!

Yes guys, you read it right! My law school journey has come to an end. Actually I finished my last paper on 19th (literally 6 days ago) but right after that my schedule was so packed until yesterday (24th). I had my corporate viva on 20th, my Anton Piller & Mareva Injuction hearing and my Magisterial skills summary trial all on 21st and finally my CTA full trial on 22nd July 2017. And yesterday I spend few hours finishing the file for CTA and did our final check. So yes, the last three or four days of my life was so packed and stressed. Honestly, I had never felt this tired and drained before. I mean no offense but I do think that everyday is always a struggle when you're in law school but those particular period (20th-22nd) was the peak of the everything hahaha. Imagine you have to juggle everything, all these stuffs in those short time. Plus, I'm just done with my finals ( I didn't get a break at all after my finals) so can you imagine the struggle to keep the focus? (Mehh its okay if you can't relate).

My full trial was okay. I'm not going to comment much on that because I don't feel like ruining my mood or everyone's mood ke apa. Don't get me wrong, it was a good one.  Its just that hmm for me I think everyone did a great job, its just that in my opinion it could had been better if we had better time to prepare everything. My firm basically just prepare the whole thing (from all the course papers until witness statements) in one night. We didn't sleep at all. I woke up feeling dizzy but well life must go on so yeah I just did it despite my condition not being the best. I know some of you guys might be saying 'so what normal what tak tidur, one night jer pun'. I know this might sound like not a big deal pun afterall, its just one night or 24 hours of staying up pun. No one dies because of that. But still memang lah we didn't sleep for one night but you have to consider that the days previously pun kitorang cannot sleep too because of works. So if I have to be honest, its not particularly about tak boleh tidur for one night. Its just that the messed up us, we have to work like non stop.

Guess its true, its not LL.B. Its Hell Hell Bee hahahaha.

Mi updato (oh whatever I just create this randomly but its supposed to mean 'my update'. Does it sounds spanish?)

I'm in the middle of my final examination. InsyaAllah this is my last ever final examination provided that I didn't fail any of the papers, hopefully I won't (pray for me guys). Actually, I only have one paper or subject left which is Ethics on 19th and after that I'll be done with all the exams. I can pack all my things and enjoy my last semester break ever kot. Eh  not really because I still have my trials and viva to go through so I think I might be done with everything by the end of the this month I guess. Aminn. Can't believe this is ending, soon. It took literally 5 years (one year of foundation and four years of degree) to end law school, to get my law certificate. I feel sad urgh come on, of course you would girl, you spent your whole 5 freaking years to this. I'm just thankful I'm in this course and my educational journey has been quite smooth sailing too so yup life has been good. I'm blessed. I'm going to write in detail about everything when I have time to spare later okay.

Byeee.

Sacrifice

In order to achieve something in life, like it or not - you have to sacrifice a lot of things.

If you want to be in a relationship, you might have to  give up some of your free time, you might need to sacrifice the peace of your mind,  or even the pieces of you that you desperately holding on for years. You might have to give up your ego, your pride so that you guys can unite as one.

Pursuing your dreams can be a challenge too. I heard it all the time, true success require sacrifice. I mean if you want to have that degree, be prepared to sacrifice your sleep, your hobbies, your money, your soul or even your time. You might even need to change your attitude and the way you carry yourself to survive. Looking back, there's few times where I feel like not doing something, I just want to sleep but urgh thank god I still did it. The thing is, you know just grab that ass off the bed. Then you're good to go!


But the best thing of all is yes, you're giving something up but it is for something new, for something great :)


"You will come to know that what apperas today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be  the greatest investment that you will eve make" - Gordon B Hinckley