I feel so bad I mean my last post was in April and I didn’t even write anything about most of the things that happened or events that come across since then such as; my birthday or my ramadhan/raya this year. But it’s okay, there’s nothing we can do about it anyway and life must go on. So since I’m not doing anything right now (waiting formy laundry to finish), I thought hey why not update something in my blog? I know its so random but liyana and randomness comes in a set so bear with me.
Work:
It has been almost 9 months since I joined Gibb & Co (9 months on 1st July) and to be honest, I’m always grateful for this opportunity. I mean if you ever read my old posts, I used to write about how I was struggling at my old firm, how I struggle to find a new job as a new called to the bar lawyer with zero experiences and coming from an unknown firm it was a tough battle on its own. I was stressed and I was doubting myself like is this the right profession for me? Should I just go and do my master? Maybe I’m not destined to be a lawyer and etc, all the doubts that I had in my mind. Now I’m here I feel like, all the struggles that I went through was for a reason. I am at a better place now Alhamdulillah.
I always hear people say “God’s plans are always beautiful” and I didn’t know what that actually means, pretty doubtful about it too but hey look at me now. Imagine if I ever been accepted at other firms that I went for interviews, I don’t know whether I’m going to be this happy and grateful. I have colleagues who are more like friends, partners who are willing to teach and share their knowledge with me and other amazing things.
To be honest, sometimes I feel like I couldn’t ask for more. What else do I want? Don’t get me wrong, this is not a perfect firm. In fact, if I’m being honest I don’t think that there is ever a perfect firm or company or workplace in this world. Like you can’t have everything in life. Sometimes you have a good pay but shitty bosses. Sometimes you have good employers good environment but the pay is not so much and etc.
Of course if I am being honest, yes I want more pay and less work but I realize that’s not going to happen anyway. That’s unrealistic. And I realised that all great people in history work hard, they hustle and they always do their best. So that’s what I always aim to do; to work hard and do my ultimate best. I am always a firm believer that if you work hard and you live an honest life, one day everything that you did will come back to you.
So yes, work has been great.
Relationship:
Well apparently I’m still with the same guy. The same Firdaus. Funny isn’t it? There was a time in our relationship ( 3 or 4 months ago) where all we did was fighting each other out. Seriously we will fight over literally everything like why didn’t him pick up my calls, why am I ignoring him, why am I so emotional, why he acts like this, why I act like that, just basically everything. Those were the hard days. I mean I love him and I know he loves me too, it’s just that our fights seems like no end. To be completely honest, there were days where I question our relationship as in you know whether is this the right guy for me. What if all the fightings are indications that we’re just not meant for each other? I think those cat-dog phase last for quite some time maybe few months and it was very hard because in my heart, I love this guy but my ‘rational’ brain can’t keep up with how he acts, his actions irritate the hell out of me. We took a lot of cold-off period which is to be honest I don’t want that. My style is when something happened or there’s a problem, I want to discuss/solve it on the dot like right now! Probably because I’m on the bossy side well hahaha. On the other hand, Firdaus is the type who prefer to discuss only when we had calmed down. For me, the more I wait, the angrier I’ll get but it’s a complete opposite for him. So it was hard to find the balance that works for both of us and I think till this date, hmm I don’t think we have find that benchmark that actually works for us.
However, hmm as time goes by I realize that these past few months we didn’t fight as much as we did. Back then I think there wasn’t a day thatgoes unnoticed (or in this situation un-fight hahaha) but nowadays, we had improved a lot and we fight less. Once a month probably? And that’s just for like small small issues not worth fighting and it usually happens when I’m on my PMS.
Firdaus has changed and has improved a lot likeback then he used to make stupid jokes with theintention to annoys me. Now he’s like more understanding and more sweet. He treats me really well. Probably someone has knocked over his senses or he just come to a realisation that he should be thankful that he has me as his girlfriend ( hello I’m supportive, kind, naturally funny, loving what else do you want *roll eyes*) Sometimes out of nowhere he’ll tell me that he loves me and I’ll be like eh why suddenly you said that haha but our relationship has been better. I guess we had moved from the crazy-24 hours-fighting phase and back to being the normal love birds?
At the same time I also realised that I had changed so much too; from a crazy controlling girlfriend to a crazy not so much controlling girlfriend hahahaha. No but seriously I had changed a lot. Back then, I’ll get angry he didn’t called me for like 2 or 3 days but these days I’m more chill. Maybe because I’m super busy with work so I kinda understand if he’s busy. In the end he still texted me and try to make time for me sometimes he calls when he’s on his way to work or back from work. He has other commitments to like to his parents and family, maybe finally I get to understand that kot. As long as I know that he loves me, we love each other and we always want the best for our relationship, I guess I’m all good.
In fact, these days if Firdaus became like too clingy like he already called me yesterday we talked for few hours or we already met yesterday but he wants to talk again or meet again today, I pulak yang macam malas tau hahahaha. Of course I can’t say no but deep inside I’m like “hello this gurl need her me time too”. But he can tell. Sometimes when I talk to him and I keep saying thingslike “You know that you don’t have to call me if you’re busy or if you want to do something else itd okay you can hang up the phone we’ll talk other time”. Then he’ll be like “Actually you nak tengok Netflix kan?” Oppsssssssssss hahahahaha.
I’m so happy with how my life is going. Work is great, my relationship is great too, my family is as good as ever. So I’m very thankful for all these blessings that Allah granted for me. I know some of you guys mesti macam “see this girl she didn’t even write about her family” or “her boyfriend and work is more important than family” okay if you think like that, I have something to say to you guys - shut the f up! The reason I didn’t write about family too much these days is bcs I realise that people are so quick to judge and I don’t want my family to be hurt. We’ve been through a lot and I don’t want to do things that could create more hate you see. But don’t worry I will write about my family, my sisters, my mum soon bcs I know you guys would love to read about them too.
Till then.
Thanks for reading!
