Yeap, you read the title right.
Okay, hmmm how am I suppose to begin.
To be honest with you guys, I was thinking of writing about this probably since two or three weeks ago. I mean I tried to write few entries but I don't know I just can't finish them. Maybe it's just me, I was afraid of writing something so important (its important to me), I was worried just in case this is just temporary and well if you read my blog you would probably know that this girl here is super paranoid about a lot of things. It really took me quite some time to finally make up my mind about this. I always tell him that I'm afraid he might leave, I'm also worried that whatever feeling I have in my heart right now might be temporary but he told me to have faith that this is going somewhere, and just pray that we're going to be just fine. He's just sweet like that.
So yes guys, I finally have someone special. I actually wants to write 'boyfriend' but it feels so weird for me to utter or even write such a word. That feels super cringey especially that coming from me hahaha.
So hmmm his name is Firdaus. He's not a lawyer, not a law student and he's actually in a totally different field compared to mine. As a result, we're so different in character and I can say in almost everything. He likes things that I never bother about and we're both passionate about different stuffs but so far I think we're quite okay. I would consider myself as a serious person, I don't take life and whatever happens in between for granted, as a result I'm quite on the boring side. My life are all about my family, few close friends and my work. Well, Firdaus is like a total opposite of mine. He's funny, he likes to make jokes and he's very sociable if I may say so. I mean he's always out lepak-ing with his friends during weekend and me on the other hand, always in my room; either sleeping or reading or writing. Boring stuffs. We are very different, like so different. I actually never thought that I'm going to meet such a funny and kind guy. They say, you'll fall in love with those similar to you so all my life I'd been thinking that oh god my partner is going to be as dull, mundane and boring as I am but it turns out that taraaa he's different. So far, I'm pretty much happy and I like his jokes. I like his funny side even though I always tell him that his jokes are annoying and I can't stand them but honestly being funny is a plus though hahaha.
When I first met him of course he wasn't showing his clown-funny side so I was like hmm yeah okay. We just consider each other as friends. Then after some time, you get to know the person better, they opened up to you and you start to do the same. We've known each other since October last year, yes almost like 5, 6 months ago but I think we decided to be serious about each other since I think last month? I can't specifically remember hahaha tak romantic nya Liyana hahaha because it feels like forever okay. Yeah, we're still new, I mean we've been friends-but-more-than-friends for so long, only recently we decided to like take it serious. Actually, I was the one who initiated this. I mean I knew since the very beginning that he likes me but he never say a thing. I was like how can this guy be like this lah? Can't you just be honest? I get frustrated so I asked haha which I'm quite thankful that I did. There's a lot of things that happened in between which I am not keen to share it yet but I think gradually I will, one fine day.
Love is beautiful. I say this all the time. I believe that we all need love; and all these while I know that I am so lucky because I'm always blessed with so much love from my family, my parents, friends, my younger sisters and few other people I met along the journey. Not to mention, the most important and valuable love I'd received for the last 24 years is God's love, always beautiful and meaningful. If I have to be honest with you guys, I had only found myself loving God recently. I mean I pray and do all the compulsory stuffs but I never really like put any interest or effort to really really understand what I'm doing. I just do all the amalan because I was taught to do so since I was a child and my ustaz and ustazah used to remind us that if we don't do things that we're required to, we had sinned God and we're going to go to hell. Also, as I was born in quite a conservative circle I was taught not to question things that Allah had asked us to do which I didn't really get the point behind it. I mean sometimes I just want to know why I can't do this and I can't do that but my ustaz and ustazah were like "don't question stuffs, just do whatever Allah has ordered us to do. If not nanti 'terpesong akidah" but I don't see it that way. As a human, the God has granted us the ability to think and with time we're going to question things because we wants to know why. The thing is God always have perfect reasons behind whatever He has ordered us to do or not to do, but the fellow humans just make it complicated. Allah is Al Rahman Al Rahim (Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang) and He loves his servant, God's love is real. I don't think He will dump us in Hell just because we wants to know better. I don't see a wrong in wondering why because if you are really a thinking Muslim, of course you wants to know certain things better. That doesn't make you a bad Muslim though. So anyway although it is quite shameful but yeah I had to admit I had only found my true love for God recently, I know it took me quite some time for this but I'm glad I did. Now I'm at peace.
Its already 12am, and I need to sleep. Tomorrow is Monday and I need to go to work. But I'll try to write more often if I can. InsyaAllah.
