I think even after 24 years of life, I haven't really know myself yet. I mean sometimes I surprise myself, I do things which I thought I would never do. Beyond my comfort zone, things I would never ever think of doing hahaha not even in my wildest dreams. Yet someway somehow, I did it. Knowing myself, I would consider myself on passive-timid side. I always adore those who are 'dare to dreams' because this girl right here is super afraid of a lot of things. Well actually, I'm afraid of failures and me being me, always have high expectations on certain things. That's why these days, I try to play it cool and you know what just go with the flow! I may control myself, but I can't control other people, I can't control the universe. I just encouraged myself to worry less and enjoy the moments. I decided to just live life as it is, not easy but I'm trying though.
Okay now I'm not sure where this post is going.
But as much as I'm trying to change myself for the better, I figured out that I have less time to write or express myself. Maybe because I'm just busy with work and other stuffs which require my ultimate attention but its kinda sad that I can't write as smooth or often as I used to.
I also figured out that I can't write that well when I'm happy. You know when you're in a good mood, things are going well, everyday is rainbow and marshmallows kinda day? I think I write better when I'm sad and gloomy. Its just that the words flow better and more natural when I'm sad. Weird.
For example, I wrote my last entry entitled 'Why are you like this?" when I was freaking sad. In fact, I cried tons while writing that. Not to mention all my tears before I wrote that entry (so drama I know). I was so sad and lonely at that moment, I was so gloomy. I had so much problems at that time, my heart and mind weren't at ease. I even thought something so negative like you know what, what's the point of living if you're suffering. I didn't try to kill myself or being suicidal (mintak dijauhkan) but I really really question myself a lot at that moment. I asked God a lot of things, I wonder if He really loves me, why am I suffering and not happy? Then you know people used to say, God's mercy is real and God's plans are always beautiful because the next day after my post and my sleepless night, Allah blessed me with a lot of beautiful things. I got the answers for all my sadness in a very short time. Then I feel bad, I mean as his servant I should not act like that. Who am I questioning things? Padahal Allah dah clearly said "what is meant to be will always be" and He won't test a human beyond his/her limits. I was the one who needs Him, He doesn't need me. I guess that is what happened when I get so negative, but I'm so happy because Allah really showed me that He's always with me, I can't see him but He's there rooting for me, for you and for all of us.
So yeah again back to the topic. It was quite easier for me to write that entry. I mean I'm not saying that it is my best or favourite writing but if I have to say myself, I feel like I was being honest with what I wrote. I was so so much easier for me to write that kind of writing when I'm feeling down compared to when I'm happy.
I really don't know the purpose of this entry, I mean I'm not sure what you're trying to say girl. Maybe what I'm trying to portray here is I'm okay. I dah okay. Things passed by and I'm doing way better now, Alhamdulillah. Looking back more than one month has passed since my last emotional entry hahaha haihhh so drama.
I'll try to share more happy stuffs as well. InsyaAllah.
For example, I wrote my last entry entitled 'Why are you like this?" when I was freaking sad. In fact, I cried tons while writing that. Not to mention all my tears before I wrote that entry (so drama I know). I was so sad and lonely at that moment, I was so gloomy. I had so much problems at that time, my heart and mind weren't at ease. I even thought something so negative like you know what, what's the point of living if you're suffering. I didn't try to kill myself or being suicidal (mintak dijauhkan) but I really really question myself a lot at that moment. I asked God a lot of things, I wonder if He really loves me, why am I suffering and not happy? Then you know people used to say, God's mercy is real and God's plans are always beautiful because the next day after my post and my sleepless night, Allah blessed me with a lot of beautiful things. I got the answers for all my sadness in a very short time. Then I feel bad, I mean as his servant I should not act like that. Who am I questioning things? Padahal Allah dah clearly said "what is meant to be will always be" and He won't test a human beyond his/her limits. I was the one who needs Him, He doesn't need me. I guess that is what happened when I get so negative, but I'm so happy because Allah really showed me that He's always with me, I can't see him but He's there rooting for me, for you and for all of us.
So yeah again back to the topic. It was quite easier for me to write that entry. I mean I'm not saying that it is my best or favourite writing but if I have to say myself, I feel like I was being honest with what I wrote. I was so so much easier for me to write that kind of writing when I'm feeling down compared to when I'm happy.
I really don't know the purpose of this entry, I mean I'm not sure what you're trying to say girl. Maybe what I'm trying to portray here is I'm okay. I dah okay. Things passed by and I'm doing way better now, Alhamdulillah. Looking back more than one month has passed since my last emotional entry hahaha haihhh so drama.
I'll try to share more happy stuffs as well. InsyaAllah.
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