Talk and Politeness

Hi! Yes it’s me again.

So today I feel like talking about being polite especially in the context of ‘speaking or talking to other people’. I’m not sure whether you guys had experienced about this situation before but throughout my life, there are hmm quite a number of time where I did or intend to do something good for someone and instead of getting good comments from that person, he/she actually gave a hateful or bad remarks. Get it? For example, you’re driving home and you feel like eating mcd and you bought extra for your housemates because you remember she mentioned that she wanted to eat mcd few days ago, or you just feel like buying for her for no reason. However, instead of appreciating your efforts and thoughts, she actually scolded you like “why didn’t informed me earlier if not I didn’t eat just now” yedda yedda. Instead of him/her thanking you for that, you get scolded?

What kind of nonsense is that?

I mean let’s face it, I’m not fishing for compliments or asking people to praise my good deeds. Just accept it with open heart and if you feel like thankful or anything, just say thank you. Isn’t it that hard? 

I’m kinda experiencing it now. But I’ll try to be positive and chill about it. I want to think that the words actually came from a good place, its just that some people are not good at expressing themselves. Yeah. 

If you’re reading this, I just want to remind you guys (and myself too) that; words matter. And by no means, you or other people should devalue or give negative remarks for your kindness. Or if you’re the person receiving it, be mindful of what you say. You could hurt your friend or in the end,she will think like oh you know what I wont do anything good to you next time. Yeah. So be kind okay.

That’s all.

Good day!

Marriage or maybe an update about my so called love story?

To be honest I feel like everyone around me is getting married. I scrolled my instagram and noticed that a lot of my school mates or law school friends are married, or engaged or at least, in a serious relationships. Me on the other hand? Well why bother asking? I’m pretty much the same, juggling with everything especially this work-life balance I want to achieve so badly and hmmm trying to become a good lawyer? For what I’m not really sure. Making other people rich? Or making money for corporations or banks? Whatever. But if I put it this way, I look pathetic hahaha so let’s just say I’m “achieving my dreams and goals” which is kinda true though.

What and how do I feel when I see people around me getting married?

Well hmm honestly speaking, I get worried a lot. Super anxious. I know that growing up, I used to think that oh I don’t want to get married. I can live alone happily ever after with no other than me, myself and I (or with few pets). But you know as I grow up and living kind of alone for almost 2 years now, I can’t help but to feel lonely. This could be the loneliest part of my life where I don’t have friends to accompany me everyday and work will usually take like what? Half of my day. Therefore, as crazy as it can be, I realise that as of now, I do want to get married and have a family one day. Maybe not today but eventually one day, I do want to have a family, a small gang I can call my own. Hopefully. InsyaAllah.

Do I get insecure when I see my friends getting married or engaged or like taking one step further in their relationships?

I’m not sure whether insecure is the right word for what I feel but I don’t think that I’m insecure about it. I’m happy for them and I pray that God bless their marriages and ease their lives. Also hmm I mean at this point of time, I think I had matured enough to realize that everyone has their own timeline and I can’t be comparing my life with other people. Some people are destined to marry when they were in high school or university, some people get married when they’re like 25 and some people get married when they’re 40. Maybe we have to accept that some people are born to “kahwin awal” and not to “move mountains” like other people. For example, when we were young, my younger sister, Ardini had told me that one of her ‘aims’ in life is to marry before she reaches 25 years old. Looking back, I used to criticise her and telling it on her face “what kind of dream/ambition is this? You should have bigger dreams”.  For me, as someone who does not prioritise marriage, her ambition is like an ultimate joke. But as life goes on, I realize that hey maybe that’s just what she wants and who she is as a person. I mean I haven’t completely changed my judgements on her ideology and I still believe that women (or men) should not limit their life or set marriage or having families as their end goals. I mean don’t get me wrong, you may get married whenever you want but to completely ignore everything just for that purpose is wrong. To be honest I feel like people should be achieving their dreams and go beyond what they want or what they have and you know go and have fun and make money before they even think of getting married but again, as I mentioned before; everyone has their own timeline and that varies from one person to another.

At the same time, I am still a fond believer of life is more than numbers. One thing that I truly holdtight on when it comes to marriage is that I should never get married for other people. I always believe that if one day, I ever wish to be with a guy in a halal way, I want to marry him because I want it. Not because people’s around me are getting married or my sisters’ are getting married so I should rush or I should get married because I passed “the age” to do so. I think that’s completely wrong. Right?

What is my position when it comes to marriage as of now?

Well as I mentioned before. I do want to get married. Eventually, one day (please pray and make dua for me). But at the same time, I’m also enjoying my single life where I can do completely anything and everything that I want. The sky is not even the limit so yeah. When is it going to happen? I have no idea. Who am I going to marry? I don’t know. Of course, I’m with Firdaus and I love him (like you guys can’t tell anyway 🙄) but is he going to be my husband? I don’t know. No one knows. Only God knows. I wish he’s the one though. And yeah one of the questions I always askedmy friends who’re married is how do they know if their partners are the ones for them? They told me they’re not sure too. Yup so helpful la you guys thanks hahahaha. But isn’t that the beautiful part about jodoh? It’s a secret from the Allah. You could be with someone for 10, 15 years but if he/she is not for you then there’s nothing you can’t do except to move on. In the end we have to tell ourselves that whatever it is, God knows best.  We have to usaha or work hard for it but in the end hmm. Okay done tazkirah.

I haven’t update about Firdaus for so long right. Yes I am still with the same annoying guys and he is still pretty much the same guy. Except more annoying. We’ve been together for almost 2 years now and this by far is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in my whole life. How I do it and how does it work? I don’t know. I have no idea. Time passes by so fast suddenly eh its 2 years already? Wow. Our relationship so far well more realistic and crazy than ever. Oh my god we fight alot, and we have so many misunderstandings along the lines. We broke up and took time off for few times too but at the end of the day, we’re just two humans who love each other but too muchego in our heads. Maybe because we have reached this stage where we’re both comfortable with each other, and I have my own pride and I’m competitive as hell. Firdaus is stubborn oh my god his degil and keras kepala. Together we made a great combo, against each other gosh like neraka like that. 

At this moment I’m writing my blog, I haven’t replied to his text since morning because I get annoyed at him. He went to Langkawi for holiday withhis friends and have been neglecting me, replying so slow and all. Sometimes tak reply at all. I really hate that. And you know who’s the best at being dramatic right? *wink eyes* so yeah that’s what happens. But maybe because we’ve been in too many fights to count, we already know each other’s styles. When is he going to say sorry, when I’m going to apologise and all. I think we’ll be fine. As we always do.

I think that’s all for today. Its almost 12am. I need to sleep. Tomorrow is just another working dayfor me. So yeah.

Good day!