One year later...

On 8th August last year, I got married to the love of my life. 

It was one of the happiest moments in my life. I still remember that feeling of relief once the akad was pronounced that very evening. For once, I feel this calmness and I remember telling myself "Liyana, you're okay now. You're with someone you can call home" while trying to hold down my tears.  For once, I feel like I can finally breathe and all the stress I had before from preparing the wedding in the midst of Covid-19 pandemic are all gone.

I was just one happy girl.

It has been 1 year and 25 days since I'm married to the love of my life. I'm not going to lie and claim that "oh our marriage is perfect" because it's not. The last 390 days have been nothing but a challenging and eye-opening experience. Hilmi and I well we fight a lot, not as much these days but at the beginning of our marriage, it feels like war hahahaha.  I guess during those time, we were still adjusting to the whole thing, I mean I'd never live with a guy before not even a brother. The same thing for him, his siblings are all guys so it was new for him as well. Most of the fights we had before was pretty much caused by me, I don't know why but I just don't like losing, even with my husband or even if it's not a competition, I JUST HAD TO WIN! 

But again, not entirely my fault okay, I married an annoying jokester lol.

However these days, Alhamdulillah we are a bit calm, sometimes we still fight but not like serious fights. One day my husband actually asked me why I was like calm and not trying to pick a fight with him over something stupid he said, I told him I realize that it's ridiculous, we usually fight about small stuffs anyway and even if we fight like crazy, we will still reconcile by the end of the day and hug each other to sleep, so I find no point being crazy and let the man rest.

At the same time I realize that after I passed the one year mark of our marriage, a lot of things changed. I changed. Before that I didn't reapply appreciate my kind husband and took him for granted. Hilmi had been nothing but kind and loving to me while I was the girl who can't tolerate even a slight error/mistake and I turned maniac over such simple imperfection. He's been patient with me and he took good care of me when I was sick and all, I just feel like I need to treat him better.

When my husband thanked me and said I made him a better man. My heart melts but honestly, I didn't make him a better guy or anything, he has always been an amazing guy. Even when we were just dating, he just didn't realize it.

Through out the last 390 days of our marriage, I was happy. Not all the time, but I'm mostly am happy. How can I'm not happy? I'm with the man of my dreams. I'm with a happy kind and fun man who loves me. My life has been a lot better as I have someone I can share my days with now, someone who belanja me a lot of things because he wants me to be happy, someone who puts cold towels on my forehead when I'm sick, someone who helps me cook, someone who vacuums and cleans the house every Saturday and never let me do the house work, someone who helps me iron my clothes everyday, someone who listens to my stories even when he didn't understand and forgets some of it, someone who supports me with whatever things I want to do, someone who hugs me everyday, someone who tells me I'm special, someone who thinks about me before himself.  

All these things my husband did to me, I don't think it was possible to say that I'm not happy.

I guess this is where I have to end my post. If my husband ever read this post, well Hi sayang! I just want you to know that I love you so much, thank you for everything you've done to me and I hope you tak menyesal kahwin dengan I hahahaha.

Miss to Mrs

Okay, hmm how do I begin this? Where do I start? No, how do I even start this?

 

Well, as you can guess from the title, I got married to the love of my life last August, 8^th August 2021 to be exact yeay! It wasn’t recent I know, by the time I’m writing this entry we’re probably married for 4 months plus. If you ask me, I really wanted to write about this for so long, I even wanted to take my laptop and start drafting this entry like on the day of my marriage but you know, life got in the way. Both of us were so busy with…hmm everything? Work never stop for both of us, and now I have 2 families, 2 sides of relatives then things get double busy and double hectic. I think the moment they allow people to cross state borders, we got super busy. I’m not even kidding but for last November and this month December, every weekend both of us were busy travelling to Terengganu, Penang, Kelantan and etc. Actually, at the time I’m wring this entry, I just got back from Penang for my firm’s Christmas dinner and since we were in Penang, we decided to spend few days at Hilmi’s parents’ house.

 

So yes, life really got in the way. There were days where you know I told myself “Okay I’m going to update my blog today” but someway somehow it always gets postponed by a lot of things. Maybe suddenly I wasn’t in the mood to write, maybe I wasn’t feeling well, or maybe we just had a fight so it doesn’t feel right to write about it, in fact if I were to write when I was emotional at that time, I think things might get ugly. So I decided to just ‘wait for the right time’ and hopefully tonight is the right time.

 

I’ve been married to my husband for 4 months plus now, and I know it might be a bit cliché but I’m happy and blessed. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been happy, not like super happy my-life-is-perfect kind of way but I’m always thankful and grateful for what I have, what I’m blessed with. But since I got married, I guess I’m happier? Maybe because I’ve been dreaming to marry this guy since the very first moment I met him so now, we’re married it felt like a dream came true?

 

Also, did I mention that my husband really loves me? Hilmi loves me so much like he really really loves me. I’m not even kidding when I say this but I don’t think anyone ever loves me more than he does. I don’t really know how to explain it but every time I’m with my sisters or relatives or friends, they will all tell me the same thing “You’re lucky your husband really loves you”. I know it’s not really a compliment but I feel blessed and happy when people said that. I guess I got lucky and I thank Allah every day for blessing me with such a kind, gentle and lovely husband.

 

I know this is a bit sudden, but this is where I’m going to stop my entry today. I know it’s a rather short one and I have so much things to share but I got things to do. Today is Sunday and tomorrow both of us have to work. Hilmi is staying with me in Gombak for tonight and he will be going back to Rembau tomorrow morning so I have so many things to arrange, to wash clothes and etc.

 

I’ll write again soon. InsyaAllah. 

Girl, you're 27 years old!

 Hey,

No, this is not a birthday post. We are way way pass that, my friend. 

I guess this year I deviate from my normal tradition here where I usually will write something in my blog, around or on my birthday (sometimes after) every year just to recap what happened over the years, how I felt as I go one year older, all my feelings poured in, how grateful I am to Allah for this blessing called life and you know all other cliché things like that. Well, even though I didn't get to keep the tradition going this year, rest assured I had a very blissful and happy day (26.4.2021). Of course there were some interesting drama (read: I didn't like my flower bouquet and someone cried during my birthday dinner hehehe) but looking back, I'm just thankful for everything Alhamdulillah.

Honestly, at this age I guess some things don't really matter that much anymore? If that makes sense? I used to be "okay I want my birthday to be perfect, flowers and presents and cakes all day. This is my day! So excited for my birthday surprise!" kind of girl but as I grow older, I'm just chilling and glad with everything. Maybe I'm just at the age where I'm just happy and content with my life. I used to be unhappy and wanting more of it (which makes me unappreciative of what I am already blessed with); I want more money, better job, better car, big house and etc but over the years, I realize that certain things don't matter. As long as I have people that I love around, they love me, my family is healthy, I am healthy, roof over my head, foods on the table, a bit of money to spend off then well life isn't that bad I guess. 

Okay, back to the title.

If you ask me, I definitely didn't feel like I'm 27 years old. In my mind, I am either 23 or 24 years old nothing older. That's ironic because if I'm 23 years old that means I just finished my law school and probably wondering what should I do with this piece of paper called a law degree and if I'm 24 years old, well girl you're probably stuck crying at your crazy life while trying to juggle the though chambering days, some crazy bosses, some emotional wrecking roller coaster and a stupid (very) boyfriend hahahaha wow writing that down huh, definitely makes me glad that I passed all that. 

So yeah I never felt like I'm 27 years old, other than the fact that I'm fatter (which I am working on it) since my glory fun university days, other than that I feel like I haven't change much? I still feel good, I am still the crazy competitive stubborn Liyana. Nothing much had change since then. Are you sure I'm 27 years old now? Mr calender, you sure?

I always felt like I'm still young, I am still the old young fun Liyana...until one day I look at myself in the mirror and after few minutes of aweing my own beauty (pffff) and high five-ing myself because I've come a long way just give credit k, I was shocked! I saw some fine lines around the areas of my eyes. This is funny because at first I thought it was my hairs, or some last night eyeliner thingy that didn't came off right but god I was wrong, yup it's my wrinkles! 

I wasn't kidding but that does hit me on my face hahahaha I can laugh now because I don't care anymore but at that time, fuhhh I was a wreck and shocked and terrified probably everything in between. I guess life hits me pretty hard on my face. You know I always make fun of Hilmi, I told him that he's old because he's 31 years old already where did all his time flies, why he didn't met me earlier in his life and etc well, I guess that makes us two oldies now hehehe.

After that shocking revelation, you know what I did? I dig up my piles of stuff looking for an eye cream that I asked Ben to buy for me when he went to some skincare sale probably 2 or 3 months before. It's funny because when I asked him to buy me some skincare and the eye cream, I didn't buy it because I need it (at least what I thought), I just read somewhere that to keep your eyes wrinkle free, you have to start using eye cream since young, like way before you have lines. Then I stashed it down in my piles of extra stuffs thinking "mehh it's okay, I don't think I will need this in near future anyway". I was wrong.

Since that day, I've been using the eye cream everyday hahaha funny. The thing is before this, I usually don't really wear my skincare unless I have to. You know some people have 10 steps skincare routine, night routine and etc, I was never that girl. My skincare was simple; cleanser, moisturizer and sunblock. That's all. At night, after work I just get the make-up off, wash my face and that's it. I didn't even wear anything at night or during weekend. I just don't like the hustle. But now, I try my best to do more than the bare minimum. Now, I invest in some serum, some night cream, some face masks and etc. I also splurge into more than one primers for my face, I include in some eye primer and few other things that my old self won't even bother doing. 

Wow that's a really long entry on eye cream huh? The thing is, the eye cream is the symbol...like Mockingjay is the symbol in Hunger Games yeah it's something like that.  I would say other than the eye cream and the fine lines (won't call it wrinkles because that hurts my feelings wuuuu), I guess some things do change and I am getting older. Back in the day, I can be okay with minimum sleep like I can sleep for 2/3 hours and went to class like nothing. I even had days where I just didn't sleep and I was great (just a bit hyper active) but that's all. Life goes on as usual. But nowadays, I crave that sleep which can be a bit of a problem because your girl here is insomniac. Those who are close to me probably know that I have trouble sleeping at night, I slept very late and sometimes that can take a toll on my health because I still need to be up and running the very next day for the cases and work. I'm working on that too but since I'm getting older now I guess the sleepless nights are over.

There are definitely so many things that change over the year. Well I would probably end this post by saying hmmm you know I know getting older sucks. If you asked the old me I would probably  want to be forever 21 , I wanted to go back to my uni days with my friends and attend classes and not skip them even though it was boring but we all know that we can't turn back time. Life goes on. I can't keep being 21, even though I might not like it or how much I deny or avoid it, I am 27 years old  (ever time I said that my heart is like dang it! that's 3 years to 30 hahaha) but being 27 (or even older) honestly isn't that bad. 

I am much more mature, I am more stable emotionally and I guess financially, I have a job that I love (even though it's stressful), I have really nice friends, it might not be much but every month I get to bring back the bacon, I pay for my own car, for my house and now I'm getting married with the love of my life. All these things, all the maturity, lessons and experiences, I don't think I can do all these if I'm young. If I was to be married when I was 23 or 24, well I'm not even kidding but I'm probably a divorcee now hahahahahaha and the guy I was married to haihh poor him, but he was probably stupid too yeah so that's okay. Also, poor Hilmi because I don't know what will happened to him he's probably stuck somewhere with other girl too hahahaha. My work well probably be so messed up too, I won't be the lawyer I am now, I won't be the sister I am now, won't be the daughter I am now. Whatever it is, my point is, I am thankful for everything and I believe Allah's plan for me is so beautiful and perfect. I met Hilmi when I'm a bit more matured, when I'm less emotional, when I'm more stable and less crazy. 

I honestly don't know how to end this post. I guess this is where I have to awkwardly end this post but I hope you all get the point that I'm trying to deliver here. Regardless of what age we are in now, just be thankful and just keep pushing forward. There's no timeline in achievements or in achieving your dreams. Do not compare your journey with other people, some people are more successful, some people are married earlier in life, some other people bought their first houses when they were 25, some people bought their designer handbags when they were 22, some people bought their first houses when they were 40 and some people are like me; just trying to fit in all the puzzles and muscle through everything. And that's okay because this is my journey, it may not be smooth sailing, it's full of ups and downs, sometimes you cry sometimes you happy but it's okay, that's just how life works.

See you all soon (hopefully)!

Say hi to my new best fwen hehehe! 

By the way, I know that previously I wrote that Hilmi and I were getting married on 6.6.21 but unfortunately, things happened. Few days before the day we were supposed to go back home, the government announced the lockdown and actually at that time, we can pack our bags and rushed home but we just didn't felt right to do that. Everything was so rushed and honestly I cannot just go back and leave my work unattended, so after much consideration we decided to postpone it. Everyday, I pray that the cases will go down and by August we can go back home and get married like we plan but things are going out of control now. After much consideration and discussion with our family, we decided to just go ahead with the wedding this August so insyaAllah kitorang akan kawen this August hehehe. Please make dua for us okay! Thank you :)