If people ask me what is the hardest thing or the greatest challenge I have to endure these past few months, it would be to find a job. A better job.
As you all know, I was called to the bar on the last 17th August 2018 (a date I'm going to remember for the rest of my life) and since then, I've been working at the firm where I did my pupillage as I am being retained here as a Legal Assistant. Well for a lot of reasons I would reserve myself from in-depth explanations on why I want to leave the firm. Overall, the firm is pretty okay. I learned a lot of things here, I met a lot of new people and the seniors are super helpful. However, deep inside I know that this is not the firm for me. This is not I want to do for a long time and certainly not where I see myself to be in a long time.
So I have always wanted to leave the firm. Even where I was still doing my pupillage, the only motivation I had was "Okay we'll leave this place once we're done with this 9 months" and I don't know what happened but I just didn't and can't do that. There's always something that hold me back; mostly the cases I handled. I feel like I have this obligation to settle them and make clients happy. In the end, I stayed. I won't say that I regret my decision to stay at a place that I don't belong but I kinda did.
Then I started applying for jobs. Overall, I think I went to 6 or 7 interviews and I had sent almost 100 emails to firms just in case they have vacancies but didn't advertise. I also had several interviews I have to reject because I can't find time to accommodate that. I have to juggle between working and attending interviews, which is quite a hustle. I didn't get any of the interviews I went to and to be honest, I had felt like giving up countless times. Ada this one extend I get paranoid of myself and I don't feel like applying anymore because chances of me passing through is so slim. They are always looking for something, something else but me. I had listened to enough reasons "You're too young. We're looking for someone with experiences", "We're looking for someone who used to do conveyancing", "We prefer someone with experiences in construction law" and many many reasons I can't think of right now.
After all that, I really feel like giving up and I get lazy to apply already. But I don't want to stay in my current firm. I felt really miserable and I even thought that maybe I wasn't good enough that I get rejected from all the firms I went for interviews. I also get envious because seems like all of my friends are living happy lives but here I am struggling to find a job? I even felt like maybe being a lawyer is not for me. I had all sorts of negative thoughts you can imagine.
At this point of my life, I am so so grateful to Firdaus because he's so supportive and encouraging. I know that it's a bit overrated but if not because of all his encouraging words, probably I won't be here today in KL still working. I might had packed my stuffs and went back to Kelantan and work at any firm there. Since I'm working in KL all alone now and most of my close friends went back to work at their respective places, I mostly survive things on my own.
I would consider myself a tough cookie. I pride myself on my determination to beat life obstacles and not allow them to beat me. But sometiems I need emotional supports which I personally cannot doubt that Firdaus is the one I go to when I need that. He always talks me out of my super dark zone and encourage me to always apply for jobs and always pray to Allah. He told me that things happen at the right time, now I am just being tested and Allah wants to see how far and how I handle this ujian. "You will get a better job, better firm. Trust the process"; he said.
Also, even though I usually share a lot of things with my mum. I don't talk much about work with her because I don't want her to worry. So I always said I'm okay when it comes to work. Its just that sometimes things get over the line, I can't help but ranting to my mum too. Its just something that I think a lot of people can relate, as a child we want to make our parents happy. In my case, my mum takes a lot of pride of me being a lawyer. So I can't go and tell her, I cannot tahan working here I would rather work as cashier or sales girl at Guardian. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking down at cashiers or sales person or any job in general it's just that I get too stressed sometimes I thought I would rather work else where even at Guardian or Watsons rather than here. But I can't do that I am the eldest child and my family's pride. I have to survive.
Two weeks ago I went to two interviews. At that time I told myself "Okay Liyana, these are your last shots. If you didn't get any of these two just stop for a while and just apply practising certificate (like a license for a lawyer) at current firm". So those are my last shots. I thought okay la if tak dapat then I'm going to wait for few months, only then I apply balik.
I think it's true. God/Allah's plan is always beautiful. Just when I was on the verge of giving up and breaking up, last Saturday I received a call from one of the firms I went for interview. They offered me a place and I immediately said yes! I just cannot tahan working here anymore and based on my two times there (I went for first interview and short listed for second interview), it seems like an okay firm. I was so happy when I received the offer (and I still am!).
I tendered my resignation letter yesterday and probably will start at the new firm next month. Wish me luck guys!
Taken on 9.10.2018 - our first picture together.
We've been in a relationship for more than a year now and baru ada our first picture together hahahaha.
(And that's the best I can get from him. He just refuse to cooperate, so annoying huhmmm)
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