Blessing

Guess what?

I'm pregnant!

Actually, at this point, I can say that I'm "heavily" pregnant 😂 

I'm 32 weeks pregnant now. 

Honestly sometimes I still can't believe that I'm pregnant. I know that everyone's journey is different. Some are blessed with being pregnant right after they got married or when they wanted to, but mine is a bit of an effort. We finally got pregnant after 1 year and 10 months of marriage which honestly doesn't felt like a long time now (especially compared to couples who went through longer years of ttc) but while going through the journey itself, it felt like a very long time.   

Looking back, I realize that some of the pressure to have kids did not come from within, but mostly from the pressure from our environment such as our elderly, our family, our friends and etc. I know that most of them meant well when they asked "when are you going to have a baby?" or "when is your turn?" but I have to admit, sometimes I felt a huge pressure whenever I'm being bombarded with such questions. 

At one time, I swear I couldn't think about anything else besides pregnancy and how much I wanted a baby. I lose interest in everything except getting pregnant and I became that woman who felt like she hasn't accomplished anything in life just because I'm not pregnant.

I remember crying to my husband and worrying about not being able to conceive and my never ending what-ifs - what if I can't get pregnant will he still loves me? what if I'm not pregnant by next year I'm going to be 30 years old already? what if we don't have any kids what is going to happen to us? 

Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah for blessing me with such a kind and loving husband who always assure me that everything will work out, we will be pregnant and we will become parents one day. 

"When the time is right, Allah will bless us with kids and we will have the opportunity to become parents". 

My husband always say "When the time is right" or "One day, when Allah believes that we are ready" then we will be parents. Sometimes I wonder how can he be so positive while I'm on the other hand, almost tearing myself apart for this.

On 25/6/2023, I realised I was few days late from my period and decided to get a pregnancy test, at first it was quite blur and I remember doubting whether is it positive or negative. Then I kept testing (almost everyday) and  I guess the rest is all history hahahaha. 

I understand the pain of trying to conceive and the struggle with infertility. 

My heart goes to all women and couples who are trying to conceive, may God bless everyone with healthy babies insyaAllah. Do not lose hope and one day your baby, the one that today may seem so far away from existence, will be old enough to hear their story. Hear that they were so wished for and so wanted. That we prayed every day and night for them to join our family. InsyaAllah. 

Have faith, one day you'll be staring at the blessing you always dream about. 

Baby, you're probably around 6 weeks old at this time in mummy's tummy. This is our first picture together. We were so excited when we went for scanning and we can see you so smoll inside me.