One year later...

It has been a year.

When I first came across Firdaus last year, I didn't know that there's something about this guy, that one day he's going to be someone special to my heart. And through out the early days of our relationship, I still remember the feeling of uncertain about love and us in general, I wasn't expecting this relationship to work out. I mean yeah I like him but after few heartbreaks I learn that liking and loving are two different things altogether. In fact, I didn't even expect to be in a relationship with this weirdo annoying guy at the first place. But you know things happened, and now we've been some sort of together for one year. Well, actually I won't say that we've been together for one year because we actually decided to be serious about our relationship around February or March but because we first know each other around middle September last year so we tend to relate to the September one more than the actual day. 

Being with Firdaus has been hmmm..painful? Hahaha just kidding. Being with Firdaus has been very lovely and to be honest, I think I couldn't be happier than this. I wasn't in a lot of relationships before this because I've been busy with studies and other commitments but I can definitely and confidently say this for sure, he's the best guy I ever come across. Well, I could be saying this because he's my special one but to compare him with the previous guys I ever get myself involved with in terms of relationship thingy, he's definitely way better. I don't know how to describe him because he's just who he is. He's funny, a bit dorky sometimes, but very soft spoken and he's so patient. I mean if you can handle my emotional moody crazy bitch all day tantrum side then you're truly patient because even me myself hate and can't handle that side of me.

Looking back at our early days, I remember replying to his questions in english out of habit and he did reply with a lot of like grammatical errors and wrong use of words and at that point of time, that was a total no no for me. I don't know about you guys, but we all have this one thing we really seek in someone and for me, it has always been a dream of mine, to find a guy who can speak good english and who writes in you know good grammar. Not just english but also BM. I prefer someone who writes in proper sentence, no short forms and you know just normal formal way of writing. It might seems macam mehh that's easy but to be honest, its very rare to find people including guys who write in full proper words or sentences like that. I'm just skema like that and I know such a weird thing to look into for your partner. And it's such a petty thing but I remembered telling myself that I don't like this guy because he writes like that, he uses short forms and he's not good in english but you know after a while I don't know what and how it all happens, but I get pass that.

If you ask me I genuinely feel grateful that I didn't totally reject him for that because if I did, I will lose myself such a nice guy. I think gradually I pass that, I started to see him more than the way he types hahahahaha and it has open my eyes to a lot of good things about him. Okay even though he types like that which is not my liking but he's very funny, caring and he makes me happy. That's very important. Sometimes deep inside I feel like a loser because how can I be so judgemental? Just because someone doesn't speak english very well or he writes in short forms, doesn't mean that the person is not good. And well, I am not perfect too. I make a lot of grammatical errors, spelling errors, punctuation and even use short forms once in a while. Every time I did that, I justify myself by saying 'its okay we're human. We make mistakes, its part of life'. So yeah, like I can tolerate those things on me but I want my partner to be perfect? Isn't it too much?

And thing about Firdaus is that he always wants to improve himself. That is something I don't really find in a lot of people. Sometimes, we say oh its okay to a lot of things, we reject improvements because we're too comfortable. But the Firdaus I know always wants to improve himself, his knowledge, his skills and his life in general. I remember him asking me to correct his english if he ever make any mistake and how he encourage us to communicate in english because he wants to improve his language. I really like that part of him. He knows he's lacking, he's not ashamed to admit that and he wants to improve. I kind of admire that side of him because I tend to be egoistic sometimes and I don't really admit my mistakes but now since I'm with him, I'm learning and trying to break the walls and admit that I could be wrong or I could be lacking in this or that area and stuffs like that.

Relationship has never been easier. Actually, one of the reasons why I didn't get myself involved in a lot of relationships before, why I choose to be single is because I used to think that relationships are just very complicated and I don't need another drama in my life (my life is already dramatic on its own lol). But so far being with Firdaus, we always talk about it and we always say 'why la I tak jumpa you awal awal dulu?" , we wish we came across each other earlier than we did because to be honest, our relationship is so simple. I'm glad that I find someone I can actually communicate with, and if he say or do something that I don't like, I can talk to him about it. Communication is very important and that has been the key to our relationship I guess. Like I'll ask him first, when he gives his lawak answers or he's not serious, I'll tell him I'm not joking tell me why you did that, then we talk about it. For me, I always try to listen to his point of view and try to understand that before I counter with my beliefs and where I stand about one particular problem. To be honest, it used to be difficult because you know I have this competitive side where I always wants to win (that probably because I'm the eldest and I study law) so yeah it's really difficult when you listen with intention to reply or to rebut, not with the intention to understand. Once I change my mindset then things work out better.

Also, I'm very grateful because Firdaus is quite matured. I mean yes he's a bit on the funny side but he knows when he needs to be serious, when it's not proper to joke around (ps: well actually, he kinda clueless a bit la awal awal dulu, he used to joke around about everything literally everything then sis educate dia now he's better hahahaha). And maybe because of our age, we kinda passed the stage where we get like overly clingy, overly jealous with each other. We still get jealous maybe not we, I still get jealous but I think its tolerable. In the end, I always tell myself if he really love me then he's going to stay, he's not going to do things he shouldn't be doing. And if he ever do something that he should not be doing, then maybe he's just not for me. I pray for a good guy, if he did something hmm bad then maybe he's not for me.


There's so many things I can write about my little journey with Firdaus, I can talk about his obsession with his new car or my emotional staple sentence "you pergi la kawan dengan dia" and how it works but I think this post is quite long already. So I better stop myself, save some for other days. Also, let me give a disclaimer that I am not writing this to make people jealous or envy me, Firdaus or our relationship nor do I want people to admire us #relationshipgoals stuffs like that. To be honest, I just want people to wish us good stuffs only. We're not perfect and our relationship is still very young and we're still pretty much getting to know each other. I'm just merely sharing and I think I deserve to share my happiness here because I want to be as genuine as I can. I did share some sad or bad experiences I come across before, therefore allow me to enjoy this little happiness of mine with all of you guys too. And if there's any part of my post here makes you feel like hateful or uncomfortable, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean that. Maybe somewhere while I was typing this story, I got carried away then you might find it 'too much' or annoying, I'm really sorry for that. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm still new to this maybe you think writing this much about someone might be too much I don't know people have different views on it. Sorry.


Last but not least, other than all this relationship thingy, I am also very very glad that I am not who I was a year ago and that brings me so much peace. A year ago, I was struggling with so many things but I'm glad that everything is getting better now. I hope everyone reading this is having a better day, and in a better place than you used to be.