#7

Hi.

I won't say that writing is my passion because I don't think that I'm good in it. But one thing for sure, I like to write and it feels good to write rather than to speak sometimes ( can't believe I make this statement only god knows how talkative I am lol ). I stopped writing in my old blog since I think last year and it is undeniable that sometimes I really miss it. The idea that I want to start a new blog was so sudden. I can't recall the specific reasons for that but I guess one of the them is because I want to portray a new me, a matured image I guess. My previous blog was like a sort of a living journal I started it when I was 13 or 14 I can't remember the specific date. So of course lah me being a 13 year old, kena lah ada rempit sikit the language was alien, the pictures were mostly hmm me dreaming of becoming a super model and my entries were basically just about me, my friends and how much I hate my school lol. Then I decided to start a new clean blog with different agenda and objectives that is; to write as an adult in a more matured view.

However, looking back at the entries in this blog, I don't think that I portrayed any matured view at all, hmm maybe not yet.

And to start this new era of adulthood, I didn't just create a new blog, I even make a new Facebook account. I didn't regret much with the Facebook part maybe because I do think it was reasonable for me to create a new one as my old Facebook was filled with strangers that I didn't even know. Tu lah dulu kerja approve jer maklumlah kejar likers. The annoying part is when the strangers were too much that I found it hard to find my 'real friends' among these virtual and I didn't find it safe to post private things anymore. So yeah basically no regret much about the Facebook account, starting a new one is such a wish solution so far.

The 'o' blog was private for so long then one day I decided to make it public again because I don't know I don't find it offensive to let people read the entries even though deep inside I have this thinking that goes 'what if people read the old entries' 'what if people think me being so childish for writing everything up' But then hey I realize that you can't stop people from talking and judging. And those entries were just me being myself and I have to accept it even though being myself means I have flaws, I wrote stupid entries, I was so childish and etc. Deep inside I am proud of myself because I managed to write all that and expressed my emotions and feelings in a quite positive way. Thanks to it, my mum had it easy haha as I don't go through that 'emotional-crazy-zaman-remaja-memberontak 24/7' stage that much. I wasn't that rebellious (yekeeee).

Also, another reason why I made it public again because there are so many youngsters and teenagers that asked me to do so. I do understand because there are some entries where I shared about my experience going to various camps and interviews so I think that might be helpful for them. Also, if you ever come across I did share about some of my early passion where I decided to write about law school  and me wanting to become a person with legal knowledge.

One thing that I can't forget and almost cost me a heart attack is when I was in the car with my mum and  out of no where she suddenly opened up about this topic; me and my blog. And to let you know my mum is a very busy woman I don't think she ever read mine and we had never discuss about this openly about me having a blog and this is due to many reasons One, I find it cliche to let my mum know because for me if she wants to know something she can directly asked me and I prefer that kind of method rather than like being a spy behind my back plus come on satu rumah kot if I ever get moody she'll be the first person to notice and secondly my god I iz malu what do you think you're going to let your mum read all the shits you write, no way! So honestly I was shocked when she talked about it and a little bit nervous I wasn't expecting anything tapi tak tau kenapa cuak pulak hahaha.

She told me that other teachers in her school asked about my blog and why I had it private. And my mum mentioned that one of her friends' daughter really love my writing and she even dream to become a lawyer after reading my entries. I was so touched and happy awww awwww. I don't know and it never cross my mind that I will be an inspiration to others. So to that girl, adik if you ever come across this I would like you to know that I am very thankful that you like it and I wish you all the best for your dreams :)

I don't think that this is an okay way to end an entry but what to do I am tired already, me being 21 makes me act like an old lady. Sorry, that's all.

Oh oh the title can be the hardest thing to think of when writing an entry. That's why these days I always go with #1, #2 and etc. Play the man!

May 2011. I was 17 okay, the gap ahhhh.